A Loving Goodbye…Choosing a Funeral Home

Items to Take With You

Take an outfit of clothes for your baby to wear, including a diaper if you wish. The clothes need not be fancy. What is important is that you are comfortable with the clothes.

Take a cap, bonnet, or favorite blanket which can be arranged around your baby's head, if necessary. The autopsy process involves making incisions on the back on the head, and these are sometimes visible.

If you would like your baby buried with a favorite toy or stuffed animal, take that along as well.

Meeting with the Director

Your meeting with the funeral director will involve three parts: gathering statistical information; planning the service, if any; and discussing financial arrangements, all of which are discussed below.

Financial Arrangements

Funeral Directors are required by federal law to frankly discuss with you the costs of their services and to obtain your signature that they have done so.

Statistical Information

The director will need certain statistical information for a death certificate. This information will include your baby's name, date and place of birth, date of death, parent's names, and other such information.

You will receive one free copy of the death certificate but must pay for any additional copies. If you had life insurance on your child, you will need copies of a death certificate for the insurance company and should order extra copies at this time.

It is at this point that the director will also ask you whether you are going to want an obituary printed in the paper. This is entirely up to you. Obituaries vary from simple statements of the child's name, dates of birth and death and listings of surviving relatives such as the parents, siblings and grandparents, to poems or passages or scripture. Some people even print pictures of their children. There is no right or wrong where obituaries are concerned. The choice is entirely your own. Ask your Funeral Director for the cost for the printing.

Burial or Cremation

The choice between burial and cremation is entirely up to you. Both options cost approximately the same amount of money, so your choice should depend solely on your own preferences.

If you do choose burial, you will need to choose a casket at the funeral home. The selection of infant caskets is very limited. The main consideration for you is whether you will ever want to move your child to another cemetery, which often happens if people move out of state, or if they bury their child in a baby-section of a cemetery and later want him/her moved to be beside them.

If you think you will ever want to move your child, you will need to tell the funeral director that and choose a casket with a "vault". Vaults protect the casket from the elements and make it possible to later move it. Also, if you're planning on burying any toys or stuffed animals with your baby, be sure and let the funeral director know this so that he can help you select the right size casket.

If you choose burial, you must also decide whether to have your baby embalmed. Most people choose embalming. By law, babies not embalmed must be buried within 24 hours of their time of death or the funeral home may insist on embalming. It is important to realize that the delicate nature of children's bodies may create disappointment based on what you are used to seeing in embalming procedures.

If you choose cremation and wish to scatter the ashes in some sentimental spot, it is important that you understand that there will be very few ashes remaining.

Making Your Own Good-bye

There are so many ways you can make your good-bye to your baby special. Following are things some parents have done or wish they could have done.

This information is used from the Oklahoma SIDS Alliance "A Loving Good-bye" packet.

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